Suck it Up

(image from www.babyminestore.com)

...and the snow came.

I was in the cities for a week and we had rain but no snow, until
the day I was to leave. One would think that of all airports
MSP would be well prepared for a little snow, but we were
delayed 2 hours. No big deal except that I was making a connection
in Phoenix and that plane was long gone by the time I had
arrived.

Oh that's not a problem, the helpful person at the counter said,
we can guarantee you a flight in two days. In two days??
I asked to be put on the wait list for the last flight to
LAX. Well sure you can try, there are only 50 people
waiting ahead of you.

I thought fast. Next to the LAX flight I noticed a flight to
Ontario. The wait list was small, but I would have to give
up my space on the LAX list. I gambled, and I was the last
person on the list to get on. How I get to the valley from Ontario,
I do not care--at least Im not stuck in Phoenix for two days.

As you can imagine everyone on the plane is relieved. The high
tensions untensed. But that doesn't stop the jackasses from coming
out of the woods.

If you're not in first class, the exit row is the best seat
in the plane, with the luxury of extra leg space. The only
burden is listening to a series of short questions from the
flight attendant about your ability to assist in an emergency.
But some men in their early thirties are dumber then a corn
tassel.

The guy in the window seat across from me is yaking on his
cell and the flight attendant politely but firmly asks if he
could take a minute to answer a few questions. He ignores her
and keeps rambling away. She looks at him with annoyance and
says, "we can wait." He does not move his cell from his ear but
stops talking and looks back at her as if he was in junior
high school and his English teacher just threatened to
send him to the principal's office.

This attitude isn't unusual. It is the same "the world is here
to serve me" air found among drivers on the streets and freeways of LA.
Their cell phones are their binkies--when not stuck to the mouth,
the face of these toddlers scrunches up and elephant tears foretell
a screech of elephant rage. Their leather interiored Tundras are
strollers--"push me mommy push me, I don't want to walk, WAAAAH!"

After the flight attendant gives her short talk, binkie boy says both
to his neighbor and his cell,
"Someone's a little pissy today!"
They all laugh like frat boys who just did twenty beer bongs, went on
Riddler's Revenge and puked on everyone so the ride had to be closed
for a 15 minute spray down.

The techno-bubble propels the cyclical vomiting syndrome
it attempts to shield.